Sunday, May 23, 2010

Why is Iron Man 2 so unsatisfying?

1. Tony Stark is a jerk. Supposedly he learns and grows over the course of the movie and stops being a jerk. I didn't notice that part. Jerk through and through.

2. I don't care whether he keeps the Iron Man suit or gives it away to the government. Don't care. Never told why I should care.

3. Superpowers which belong to a suit, not a person, are stupid. Jackie Chan proved that in spades in a much cheaper movie which was deliberately aimed at undemanding children.

4. Pepper is annoying. Why does she act like an annoying ex-gf when she hasn't ever real been a gf? And who wants a gf who acts the 3rd-grade teacher you didn't like?

5. No threat to us walking-around people. The whole picture revolves around a pissing match between two jerks, Tony and the character played by Sam Rockwell. Superheroes are supposed to save us, the people, not maintain their stock price.

6. Only one slightly interesting action scene, the heavily effect-ridden martial arts sequence with Scarlett and her double. The stutter-frame technique made me worry that I was having a stroke.

7. Fights between two guys in super suits are arbitrary and boring. Plus, nobody goes eyeball-to-eyeball. So...nothing.

8. Other than pointing the camera at Vince Vaughn's face, Jon Favreau has no talent for visual humor whatsoever. Can't stage, can't time it, can't shoot it, and mostly forgets to include it. Unless you find yards of broken glass and plaster hilarious.

9. They forgot to give Don Cheadle a character. Or was he trying to portray Ralph Ellison's Invisible (Black) Man?

10. Mickey Rourke. That's it. Mickey ugly-damned-deformed-burn-victim Rourke. Yecch. And his Russian accent sucks. And what the hell is that thing on his upper lip? And why does it change from shot to shot?

Clearly, if you want an actor who can play an obnoxious jerk who transforms into a charming rogue, you hire Robert Downey, Jr. one of the greatest actors in the world today. But then you give him something interesting and decent to do. His biggest accomplishment: saving his own life with Science. Again, no involvement for the audience. No threat to the world at large, no stakes for anyone in the audience, except for which millionaire to root for.

In the mood I'm in, I only want to see movies where millionaires die slowly. After torture.

Iron Man: Not super. Not a hero. Next!

No comments:

Post a Comment